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Happy 50th Anniversary, my love!


You've been gone from earth for 147 days. You remain in my heart.

Happy Anniversary!

 If you came for this week's linky, check the next post. But for those of you who are grieving, here are some of the things I've learned in the past 147 days:

·        After the death of a loved one, emotions can be all over the place – from sorrow to rage to numbness and everywhere in between. Allow yourself to feel the feelings.

·        In the days immediately following your loss, avoid looking too far ahead. There are plenty of tasks to take care of just to get through the first few weeks. Trying to figure out the future can be overwhelming. The fact is, we can only live one day at a time.

·        “Widow brain” or “widow fog” is real. After a devastating loss, it is common to find oneself forgetting even the simplest things. Carry a small notebook and pen with you to jot things down or use an app on your phone as a memory aid until the fog clears. It gets better.

·        Create a list of things you need help with. People often want to help but not know what you need.

·        Things may seem overwhelming. Keeping a to-do list – and crossing off tasks as they’re completed – can help you stay organized. And crossing things off the list can give you a sense of accomplishment.

·        Don’t forget to take care of yourself. Stay hydrated, try to eat healthy, get some fresh air, and keep your routine medical and dental appointments.

·        Avoid making major changes for a year after your loss if at all possible.

·        Consider journaling. It can help you clarify your thoughts.

·        Don’t narrow your focus solely to what you’ve lost. Remember also what you had together, and what you still have to be grateful for. Start a gratitude list; write down 3 things (big or small) that you have to be thankful for each day.

·        Often people who haven’t experienced grief are unable to understand, but find someone you can talk to honestly.

·        Many people find that participating in a grief support group or speaking to a counselor or spiritual advisor is extremely helpful.

·        Be patient with yourself in early grief, but if the rollercoaster persists or you get “stuck” in an emotion, consider seeking help.

·        There is no way around grief; the only way out of grief is to go through it.

·        Do things when you’re ready, and trust yourself to know when the time is right.

·        We all grieve differently. There is no perfect path to healing from loss.

·        At some point, you will smile or laugh or have an enjoyable experience. Don’t apologize for having a good moment, or even a good day. This is something to celebrate.

·        Even after you are on the road to recovery, you will most likely experience “ambushes” or “flashbacks”, when something – a song, a memory, an anniversary - triggers a wave of emotion. Ride it out. They get less overwhelming and less frequent with time.

·        If you anticipate that a birthday, anniversary, or holiday may be challenging, make a plan. This may be a great time to get together with friends, do something creative, head to your “happy place”, take a class, or volunteer for something that has special meaning to you or your loved one.

·        One of the best ways to brighten your day is to do something kind for others. Walk across the street and visit the lonely old lady who lives there. Compliment the harried cashier at the grocery store. Make a batch of cookies and take them to the police department. Offer to cuddle a young mother’s baby for an hour so she can take a nap or go for a walk.

·        As time goes by, you may find that some of the things you did together aren’t as much fun without your loved one. You may even find new interests.

·        Grieve what you've lost, but allow yourself to move forward when the time is appropriate. We only get one life. It's ok to eventually be happy again.

·        It is impossible to honor the life of a loved one by refusing to live.


  1. Excellent details given about grieving, a process which is as individual as our fingerprints. May you find joy in simple things and keep on keeping on!

  2. dear Sue, I often (for some unexplicable reason) cannot comment on your posts. it seems that today I can ;-). this is a nice post. sending you love.

  3. Sue, I am sorry for your loss and that you weren't able to celebrate your 50th anniversary with your husband, however, taking time to reflect on past celebrations helps, but the loss and sorrow never stops and neither do the tears. I had to accept that too. Now it seems losses we have experienced seems to intensive the memories and emotions.
    May the spirit be with you to console your heart!

  4. Such good advice. We lost our youngest son at age 24. Joined a grief support group and found it so gratifying to experience so much mutual benefit. We have flashbacks when we see a cardinal, as Glen was handicapped and while he sat under the oak tree in our Dallas back yard, cardinals often came close to him. After he passed they seemed to be there just waiting to see him.

  5. You are a very strong person and the ideas are so good. A loss is the most tough challenge in our lives,
    but this is the way of life. We have to accept and learn our lessons, because I think there are lessons for us
    in these kind of moments.
    All the best to you. ❤️

  6. This is a wonderful photo of you both! My mother was a young widow in her 40's --my dad died when I was 18-- and she often told me that no one can understand loss until they go through it themselves. The advice you give is very helpful. I know many bereaved benefit from Grief Counseling. May you always remember all the good happy times from your 50 years together and find them a consolation. ((hugs))

  7. I am so sorry, Sue! Sending you warm hugs and love.


  8. I'm so sorry. This is a good post. I find the 'milestones' are easier than expected because I do prepare but it's those moments when it takes you by surprise - an unexpected thing triggers a memory and you just fall apart. Hugs to you.

  9. This is so helpful for those who are grieving the loss of a love one. I know someone who is going through this, and I think this might help her. Thank you. And take care of you.

  10. One can never imagine all the thoughts, feelings, sadness of losing a spouse until they go through. I thought I could handle it much better than I have. I lost half of myself three years ago after 58 years of marriage. I don't think it would matter how long you've been married if they're truly your soulmate. Yes, so many emotions, memories. Some days, I would wish my brain would just shut off. It is getting better and not every day or week now. My kids have been a saving grace. Yes, the journaling was very helpful to write down my feelings. I feel for you with the fresh loss of your hubby. Hugs and blessings to you. Thanks for sharing, and hope it helps people. I think you sharing this will.


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